1-What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
2-Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
3-Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
4-Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
5-What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
6-What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
7-How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
8-Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
9-A: We don't know. Never happens.
10-Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
11-A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
12-Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
13-A: An f****ing know it all.
14-A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
15-A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
16-Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
17-I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
18-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
19-Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
20-What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
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